lucky

And I always carry tic tacs

588 notes

Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.
Barbara Kingsolver (via amandaonwriting)

(via teachingliteracy)

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Riding in cars with boys

6 year old:
mom I'm really thirsty
Mom:
(while driving) we're almost home hunny
6 year old:
I'm thirsty. I need something to drink. I'm really thirsty.
Mom:
I know but I don't have anything just hold on and we'll be home in a few minutes.
6 year old:
but mom! I'm soooo thirsty. I need a drink. Do you have water?
Mom:
no
6 year old:
I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty!
Mom:
you have to wait. What do you want me to do? Spit in your mouth!
Silence from the back seat....
6 year old:
mom
Mom:
yes
6 year old:
it's an emergency. I'm really thirsty. Do you have any milk in your boobies?

24 notes

stfuparents:

::Click (twice) to enlarge::
Mom Sorority 
Hey sisters, let me ask you something. Do you ever look into your baby’s eyes and think, “This is it. I used to care about so much frivolous bullshit, but now my life is dedicated to this little person who will love me unconditionally. She won’t be like my freshman year roommate who told all the girls on our hall that I made abstract art out of my toenail clippings. Or that girl Amber who slept with my ex-boyfriend after passing out in his lap on a road trip to see Dave Matthews. My baby just looks up at me, gurgles, and in so many words says, “Mommy, you are the most beautiful mommy in the universe, and you’re all mine!” Does that ever happen to anyone else?
Why mess around with friends and drama when you can mess around with Play-Doh? Why pretend it’s fun to have conversations with people your own age when it’s not? Friends? More like people who ditch you when you have a baby. There are never any true friends or real friends once you do that. And really, why get new ones, maybe friends who have children, too, if deep down you know that no one can possibly compete with your child? It’s a waste of time and energy. There’s the relationship between a mother and child, the relationship between the child’s parents, and then there’s Facebook for everything else! What more does a person need? “Skip the drama and focus on being a mama!” There’s a reason that expression is so popular.
Related: I’m fun. Deal with it. and Sanctimommy: Vacation Edition
(submitted by Anonymous)

stfuparents:

::Click (twice) to enlarge::

Mom Sorority 

Hey sisters, let me ask you something. Do you ever look into your baby’s eyes and think, “This is it. I used to care about so much frivolous bullshit, but now my life is dedicated to this little person who will love me unconditionally. She won’t be like my freshman year roommate who told all the girls on our hall that I made abstract art out of my toenail clippings. Or that girl Amber who slept with my ex-boyfriend after passing out in his lap on a road trip to see Dave Matthews. My baby just looks up at me, gurgles, and in so many words says, “Mommy, you are the most beautiful mommy in the universe, and you’re all mine!” Does that ever happen to anyone else?

Why mess around with friends and drama when you can mess around with Play-Doh? Why pretend it’s fun to have conversations with people your own age when it’s not? Friends? More like people who ditch you when you have a baby. There are never any true friends or real friends once you do that. And really, why get new ones, maybe friends who have children, too, if deep down you know that no one can possibly compete with your child? It’s a waste of time and energy. There’s the relationship between a mother and child, the relationship between the child’s parents, and then there’s Facebook for everything else! What more does a person need? “Skip the drama and focus on being a mama!” There’s a reason that expression is so popular.

Related: I’m fun. Deal with it. and Sanctimommy: Vacation Edition

(submitted by Anonymous)

1 note

From the archives: Boys

Boys and their privates.
At my son’s last physical his doctor discovered that he might have a hernia in his scrodum. He had complained about aches when having to run laps at soccer I of course thought he just didn’t want to run laps and demanded he run anyway. “no one ever died from running a few laps!”
His doctor order an ultrasound to further investigate the problem feeling incredibly guilty I prepared my sweet little boy for this new examination. I told him he would have to undress, lay down and that a technician would apply cold gel to his private and rub a small hammer looking tool on his pelotitas (little balls in spanish). He looked at me like i was crazy and said “is it gonna hurt?” ” no hunny and i’ll be there the whole time” i said. The day came and we arrived to the ultrasound room. He held my hand tightly as we entered the dim lit room and we were greeted by a female technician. To my delight hanging on the wall was a flat screen playing spongebob cartoons. My little guy looked calm and laid on the bed. As I removed his pants and underwear I reminded him , “this isn’t gonna hurt”. “the gel is cold but that’s it” added the tech. She then began to apply the gel. I looked at my son and asked,  ”you ok”? He leaned back, placed his hands behind his head and said ” yeah i’m watching spongebob”. The tech then began the procedure, the room was quiet as I looked at the monitor wondering what I was looking at. “Is that what pelotitas look like inside?” Suddenly my guy say’s “Mom, I like this! It feels good.” I look down and see my son has an erection! I look at the tech she doesn’t know where to look. I don’t know weather to laugh or say something. My son continues to say, “yeah we can do this again. This is nice” Okay hunny, that’s great.” the tech is now red in the face and I’m feeling like I’m at an Asian massage parlor.
Needless to say the ultrasound went well and now I have another embarrassing story to tell his future girlfriends :)

Filed under Raising boys mommy blog mother of boys kids at the doctor funny mom parenting humor